Monday, April 14, 2008

The Full and Heartfelt Sympathy of the Y Chromosome Population

We’re only a handful of days into the 2008 Stanley Cup playoffs, but the drama is flowing early. Flyer’s defenseman Patrick Thorensen took a shot to the, ah, lower abdominal region and was hospitalized. Early fears were that he would have to have a testical removed, but it looks like he’s going to make it through this intact. Listen, I’m a Penguins fan, and as one there is no one I loathe more than just about anyone wearing a Flyers jersey. But even I felt for the guy on this one. A shot to the groin is hilarious when Bob Saget is narrating it on America’s Funniest Home Videos. But when actually damage is done down there, I think you get the full and heartfelt sympathy of the half of the population with a Y chromosome.

And as a Penguins fan, obviously I’ve been relishing the playoffs thus far. Doing well in the playoffs is great; shutting down the team that eliminated you last postseason is Barney Stinson legendary. But the Senators aren’t the only team that hasn’t showed up in the first round. Someone might want to send a Ducks a text or something just to make sure they know what’s going on. They have the same look I’ve got when I’m wandering down the grocery store isle. I know they have pudding somewhere in there, I just can’t ever remember where.

As he tends to do, Sean Avery sent the hockey world abuzz with his screening/taunting of Martin Brodeur Sunday night. I don’t know, it’s one part, just another classless act of Avery, but also another part, pure genius. Everyone agrees it’s completely tasteless and over the line, but no one’s really been able to point to text in the rulebook that prohibits it. I’ve got money saying that some big guys in the league office are going to make this a top priority, and if Avery reenacts it Wednesday night he’ll be called for something. If not, you have to imagine Marty shows up at the door of league office with the fury of Martin Luther at the door of Wittenberg Castle Church. Brodeur threw a tantrum when Ovechkin first began sporting the mirror visor in the NHL. He went to the director of hockey affairs complaining about shooters coming into contact with goalies during shootouts. For Avery’s shenanigans he will know no boundaries/shame.

Our handy-dandy first round predictions chart is due for a bit of an update, as I’ve gather a few more picks, including those from Hockey Rants and AOL Fanhouse’s Jes Golbez. Also it has received the approval of Kevin from Melrose Rocks. Which, you know, is rad. But for now I have to head off to my Human Communications class in which I will sit for 90 minutes starring directly ahead and dream of a 4 game sweep of the Senators

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