Tuesday, October 13, 2009

It Promises Lots of Words and No Pictures

When not making cheap cracks about Peter Pocklington on Twitter, or watching George Laraque's Octane alcoholic-energy drink commercial, I sometimes actually write about hockey. Usually no one reads those. Understandably, they're longer than 140 characters and they don't have videos of scandalously hot women stretching.

However, if your in the mood and were wondering just what those Providence Bruins of the AHL were up to these days, why not buckle up and take a ride down the information super highway to Hockey's Future. Why, it's as easy as clicking this link. Or this one.

Oh George Laraque, now you have gone too far.

Since you are reading this on a computer, I can safely assume you are sitting down. And that's a good thing, because you'll need to be for what I'm about to tell you. So that means if your one of those weird people with standing or treadmill desks, stop being so damn smug and just take a seat.

Georges Laraque has appeared in an advertisement for an alcoholic beverage that ... (gulp)... exploits women to sell its product.

Yes, it is true, and the powers of Youtube even have the video so we can all watch this senseless exploitation, perhaps multiple times. You know, just to fully understand how distasteful it is.

[go ahead, just stop reading the article and scroll down to end to watch it]

Okay, so it's not exactly the first time a commercial for an alcoholic beverage has flaunted beautiful women as means to make its product appealing. But I myself can tell you through firsthand research that, while cracking open a cool one might be refreshing as you sit down to take in a game at the end of a long day, it does not, as the commercials may hint, make my television room overrun with smoking hot biddies.

I think we can also safely assume that Flo-max is used by guys that aren't always out on white-water rafting or at a ball game with fellow aging brosephs. And I seriously doubt anyone ever has used one of those outside tubs I always see on commercials between innings of a baseball game, for guys whose peeps are on the fritz.

It's commercials people. They lie, but only mostly because they're expected to.

But, okay, yes, I have to agree that this commercial is definitely at the far end of the extreme. It goes further than most that just coyly employ a girl way too hot to be a bartender explaining why this particular brew is superior. But it's the one-minute cut, by the time it actually airs it'll be cut down to 30 seconds.

And lets be honest, your just going to fast-forward through it anyways.