After a 4 year investigation Barry Bonds has been indicted on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice, only a little over 3 months since Bonds broke Hank Aaron's All-time Home Run record.
It's been coming for a while, though now that it's finally happened, it only opens the door to a thousand other questions. The investigation was 4 years long, so either they were extremely thorough, or they were digging pretty deep for hard evidence against Bond.
Let's face it, everyone is pretty sure Bonds did something wrong. Exactly what and to what extent is unknown, but it doesn't take much to see that something was going on. However, if there is not evidence proving Bond's guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, it'll appear as if 4 years of tax payers money was squandered in the hunt for Bonds.
In the meantime Major League Baseball is caught in between, at a major changing point in the league. An elite athlete in the league over the past fifteen years, who holds a number of records, including that of the Home Run King, could see his entire career erased. Baseball has seen scandal before, from the 1918 Black Sox to Pete Rose, but perhaps never at the level that is about to unfold in a court room in San Francisco.
Showing posts with label Barry Bonds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Barry Bonds. Show all posts
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Friday, November 2, 2007
Barry Bonds opting out of Hall of Fame
Congratulations my friends, we kind of fell into it backwards, but our wish has been granted.
Hold on, let's back up a step.
If somehow a genie popped out of that bobblehead that resides on the desk/dresser/dashboard of every baseball loving fan in America, and granted two wishes (1), immediately after being granted the 2008 World Series to his or her favorite team, I'd bet a good number would probably wish for the whole Barry Bonds ordeal to have just never happened. Well congratulations, your wish has been granted. Kind of. So now feel free to waste that second wish on landing A-Rod or maybe season tickets. Because Bonds may have done himself in, that is, at least as far as the Hall of Fame goes.
You probably remember the story. In fact, I guarantee you do. It was reported on every sports show, blog, morning program, and news outlet in the nation. In an incredible act of democracy, and a good deal of self advertisement, a certain designer purchased the Barry Bonds 756 ball, and left it up to you, yes the people, as to what fate it would have. And what did you decide? Well of course, brand that bad boy with an asterisk and FedEx it first-class to the hall of fame.
Well guess what? Turns out Bonds wasn't exactly thrilled with the whole process, and he says he's going to boycott the hall of fame if his record breaking ball is astriskized (2). Now I think you see where I'm going with this, and it only took a couple hundred words and a bad example involving a slightly less talented baseball genie.
The Hall of Fame, which actually has no association with professional baseball, and is thus not under the hand of badly dressed and incompetent Bud Selig, accepts the home run ball. Hey, its free, and everyone loves free stuff. And following procedure, Bonds throws a public hissy fit. I mean he's certainly done it before.
But then will he stick to his guns? Is he really going to turn down an invite to Cooperstown?
I don't see why not. Let's not forget that in the past Mr. Jon Dowd also opted out of the Major League Baseball Players Association's licensing agreement. In fact, he's all about doing stupid stubborn things and sticking to them. Like how he had his self promoting ESPN series canceled due to "creative control" issues. Or even how he has continuously denied any ties to performance enhancing drugs, despite leaked grand jury testimony in which he's stated the opposite.
So if all this works out according to my plans, you can take that second wish and go ahead and use it how ever your heart may desire. Though I'd probably avoid A-Rod, that guys a locker room cancer. Even Peter Gammons doesn't like him.
1 see, in this theoretical example bobble-head genies are slightly less powerful than lamp genies. yeah, blows, doesn't it
2 i just made it up, but, hey, it could be a word.
Hold on, let's back up a step.
If somehow a genie popped out of that bobblehead that resides on the desk/dresser/dashboard of every baseball loving fan in America, and granted two wishes (1), immediately after being granted the 2008 World Series to his or her favorite team, I'd bet a good number would probably wish for the whole Barry Bonds ordeal to have just never happened. Well congratulations, your wish has been granted. Kind of. So now feel free to waste that second wish on landing A-Rod or maybe season tickets. Because Bonds may have done himself in, that is, at least as far as the Hall of Fame goes.
You probably remember the story. In fact, I guarantee you do. It was reported on every sports show, blog, morning program, and news outlet in the nation. In an incredible act of democracy, and a good deal of self advertisement, a certain designer purchased the Barry Bonds 756 ball, and left it up to you, yes the people, as to what fate it would have. And what did you decide? Well of course, brand that bad boy with an asterisk and FedEx it first-class to the hall of fame.
Well guess what? Turns out Bonds wasn't exactly thrilled with the whole process, and he says he's going to boycott the hall of fame if his record breaking ball is astriskized (2). Now I think you see where I'm going with this, and it only took a couple hundred words and a bad example involving a slightly less talented baseball genie.
The Hall of Fame, which actually has no association with professional baseball, and is thus not under the hand of badly dressed and incompetent Bud Selig, accepts the home run ball. Hey, its free, and everyone loves free stuff. And following procedure, Bonds throws a public hissy fit. I mean he's certainly done it before.
But then will he stick to his guns? Is he really going to turn down an invite to Cooperstown?
I don't see why not. Let's not forget that in the past Mr. Jon Dowd also opted out of the Major League Baseball Players Association's licensing agreement. In fact, he's all about doing stupid stubborn things and sticking to them. Like how he had his self promoting ESPN series canceled due to "creative control" issues. Or even how he has continuously denied any ties to performance enhancing drugs, despite leaked grand jury testimony in which he's stated the opposite.
So if all this works out according to my plans, you can take that second wish and go ahead and use it how ever your heart may desire. Though I'd probably avoid A-Rod, that guys a locker room cancer. Even Peter Gammons doesn't like him.
1 see, in this theoretical example bobble-head genies are slightly less powerful than lamp genies. yeah, blows, doesn't it
2 i just made it up, but, hey, it could be a word.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Winners Cheat
More and more it's becoming obvious. Winners cheat. They just do. According to the Washington Post, Marion Jones, who took home 3 Gold medals at the 2000 Olympics, has admitted to using steroids for 2 years leading up to the Olympics.
But by now we know, this is not surprising. The Patriots won 3 Super Bowls in 4 years, not quite as amazing of a feat when you are tape recording the opposing teams defensive calls. NASA landed on the moon without having to leave Nevada. And with a little help from his friends over at BALCO, Barry Bonds has broken Hank Aarons career Home Run record and a million baseball fans tender little hearts.
But this isn't a new concept, in 1904, 71 years before Floyd Landis was even born, Thomas Hicks collapsed after winning the Summer Olympics Marathon, from a mixture of brandy and strychnine his assistant gave him.
The problem is that the cheater is always at least three steps ahead of the law. It's nearly impossible to catch them until well after they've already cashed in and had their faces plastered on Wheaties boxes. But I've got a new method. You can keep your urine tests and competitive balance committees, I don't need them. All you have to do is find unbelievable success, and chances are, you've found a cheater. Which is how I've uncovered a whole slue of cheaters. Take that Washington Post.
- First is Finland. 100% literacy rates? Yeah, right, like I can't see straight through that. I'm not sure how your doing it, whether the test is rigged or what, but you're not fooling me.
- Next is this Phileas Fogg character. I don't care what that Jules Verne says, around the World in Eighty days, in 1873? I'm not buying that for one second. Nice try.
- Oh, and how about this British group, the Beatles. More than 40 number one releases. Yeah, I bet that's a whole lot easier when you're paying off radio stations. Revolver isn't even really that good*.
- William Shakespeare, greatest writer of all-time? He was housing his work from Francis Bacon, and he knows it.
- And finally, one word. Google. I'm not sure how they do it, but I'm certain cheating is involved. End of story.
*Upon further review Revolver is actually probably one of the greatest albums of all-time. Though I suspect producer George Martin was juicing.
But by now we know, this is not surprising. The Patriots won 3 Super Bowls in 4 years, not quite as amazing of a feat when you are tape recording the opposing teams defensive calls. NASA landed on the moon without having to leave Nevada. And with a little help from his friends over at BALCO, Barry Bonds has broken Hank Aarons career Home Run record and a million baseball fans tender little hearts.
But this isn't a new concept, in 1904, 71 years before Floyd Landis was even born, Thomas Hicks collapsed after winning the Summer Olympics Marathon, from a mixture of brandy and strychnine his assistant gave him.
The problem is that the cheater is always at least three steps ahead of the law. It's nearly impossible to catch them until well after they've already cashed in and had their faces plastered on Wheaties boxes. But I've got a new method. You can keep your urine tests and competitive balance committees, I don't need them. All you have to do is find unbelievable success, and chances are, you've found a cheater. Which is how I've uncovered a whole slue of cheaters. Take that Washington Post.
- First is Finland. 100% literacy rates? Yeah, right, like I can't see straight through that. I'm not sure how your doing it, whether the test is rigged or what, but you're not fooling me.
- Next is this Phileas Fogg character. I don't care what that Jules Verne says, around the World in Eighty days, in 1873? I'm not buying that for one second. Nice try.
- Oh, and how about this British group, the Beatles. More than 40 number one releases. Yeah, I bet that's a whole lot easier when you're paying off radio stations. Revolver isn't even really that good*.
- William Shakespeare, greatest writer of all-time? He was housing his work from Francis Bacon, and he knows it.
- And finally, one word. Google. I'm not sure how they do it, but I'm certain cheating is involved. End of story.
*Upon further review Revolver is actually probably one of the greatest albums of all-time. Though I suspect producer George Martin was juicing.
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